Lyrics by Elise Berg, to a tune by Arthur Sullivan

I am the very model of a modern Rude Mechanical;
I act the Bard's works - comical historical and tragical,
I've played the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
York-Lancaster and Agincourt, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters directorial,
I understand both blocking and the language metaphorical,
For Shakespeare and his antique works I try not to chew scenery,
With clichees old and awful in the grumpy Dane's soliloquy.

I'm very good at sponge-paint and emergency duct tape repairs;
I build the flats and kick the cats, rewire the lights and paint the chairs.
In short, in theater comical historical and tragical
I am the very model of a modern Rude Mechanical.